I went to the doctor to check out a bad cut I had on my arm. She said I'd need stitches, but I asked to do them. She responded, "Suture...

Q: How do you jump higher on a waterbed？ A: Fill it with spring water. spring（ばね）の水？spring（春）の水？

To the person who stole my copy of Microsoft Office: I will find you. You have my Word. You have my wordは約束しますって意味だけど、これにWord（固有名詞のマイクロソフ...

It's been months since I bought the book How to Scam People Online. It still hasn't arrived. そんな本売ってますか？売ってても買っちゃダメ。scam（詐欺）だから！

I’ve never hunted bear, but I have been fishing in shorts. bear（熊）とbare（裸の）が同音異義語なので、「そっちのベアじゃないでしょ！」と笑えます。

My boss asked why I only get sick on workdays. I said it must be my weekend immune system. weekend（週末）じゃなくてweakened（弱体化）！ have a weakened...

I used to be addicted to not showering, but I eventually got clean. got cleanに肉体的に清潔になるって意味と、中毒を克服したっていう精神的な意味をかけている言葉遊びです。シャワーしない依存症ってある？！

I've lost a lot of weight by wearing bread on my head. It's a new loaf hat diet I'm trying. パン一斤はloafと言いますが、loaf hat dietってlow hat...

My neighbor says his dog can bring a ball back from half a mile away. That seems a bit far-fetched to me. far-fetchedは信じられない、大げさという意味があって...

"Dad, how do I look?" "With your eyes." どう見るかじゃなくて、どう見えるって聞いてるのに、さすが親父ギャグ。

On St. Patrick's Day, I'm always the life of the Paddy. PaddyにはIrishmanって意味があるし、partyとも掛詞になってます。聖パトリックの祝日は、アイルランドにキリスト教を広めた聖人聖パトリックの命日。3月...

My grandma is 80％Irish. People call her Iris. Irisはアヤメ。おばあちゃんが80％だけアイルランド人なので、hは落ちちゃったってジョーク。ちょっとひねりが効いてる？！

I saw a typo on a headstone the other day. What a grave mistake. そりゃあ確かにgrave（形容詞で深刻な、重大な）です。grave（名詞で墓）だけに。

Q : Why is Valentine's Day the best time for a celebration? A : Because you can really party hearty. 2月14日にアップしなければいけなかったやつ！...

I just burnt my Hawaiian pizza. Should have used Aloha temperature. 焦がさない適温はAloha temperature.常夏の島はだいたい何度？

Q : What soaps keep distinguished men away？ A : Deter-gents. distinguished menは高尚な方なので、ジェントルマンなはず。で、gentsってことです。

What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question? 修辞疑問（a rhetorical question）＝質問の形を取ることで相手に考えさせ、話題に巻き込み、言いたいことを強調する表現方法。...

My daughter tied her shoes by herself for the first time today. I looked her in the eye and said, "Knot bad!" じっと見て言ったとしても、初めて靴ひもを結ぶ年齢でno...

Q : What do you get if you cross a bike and a rose? A : Bicycle petals! 自転車とバラを掛けたら何になる？ 自転車の花びら！ いや、ペタルじゃなくてペダルでしょ？

”Dad, can I have a lobster tail for dinner？” ”Once upon a time, there was a handsome lobster...” テイル違いのジョーク。「Tale」は「物語」、「Tail」は「しっぽ」。